Your Family is Not a Democracy
Recently, I took my kids to the grocery store, and one of them decided that, apparently, our family was setup as a democracy. He announced in the middle of the aisle, “We should vote on what cereal we buy!” And suddenly all the kids were chanting for Lucky Charms like it was an election rally.
Meanwhile, I’m standing there, embarrassed, and thinking, “This is not Congress. This is not up for debate. I’m just trying to pick out breakfast.”
That moment was a perfect reminder for me: families don’t run on majority rule. If they did, we’d all be living on Pop-Tarts and Capri Suns.
Why Families Don’t Work as Democracies
Democracy means equal say and equal power. That sounds good for governments, but it creates chaos inside a home. Parenting books in the 1970s pushed and popularized this idea that kids should share power with their parents and “work out limits” together. But that sets parents up for endless arguments, and kids up for believing they run the house.
The truth is:
Leadership comes before relationship. Good leadership eventually produces a strong, healthy relationship, but it doesn’t work in reverse. And we love our kids so much and want to have good relationships with them that it is often easy to forget to lead properly (especially for us moms).
Parents are the leaders, not the “gang.” Kids don’t need another buddy. They need a loving authority who provides stability, direction, and safety. Mom is not just another member of the crew.
Authority is God’s design. Without it, the family—and society—slips into confusion. Moms must step into their God-given role. It’s our assignment and it truly is the most loving way to parent your child.
Parents are the drivers. Kids are the passengers. They enjoy the ride because of your leadership, not because they negotiated the route.
Why Your Authority Matters
Your authority is not something you made up—it’s God-given and legitimate:
God assigns it. He commands parents to love, train, and disciple their children.
It flows from your love. You want what’s best for your kids, even when they don’t understand it.
You provide for them. You invest your time, energy, and money into their well-being. That’s leadership, not negotiation.
When your kids are small, you’re their first picture of what God is like. They’ll often connect their response to your authority with how they later respond to His.
Practical Steps for Holding Your Authority Steady
Say what you mean—and mean it. Don’t negotiate every rule. Be firm, clear, and calm.
Allow disagreement, not disobedience. A child can share an opinion, but the decision isn’t up for debate. It can be tricky though to allow kids to share their opinions without it turning into a heated situation.
Model respect for authority. How you treat teachers, referees, or even lifeguards at the pool teaches your kids more than your words. I have struggled with this as an adult. I tend to think rules are made to be broken. :)
Check your motives. Lead for your child’s good, not to vent frustration or win a power struggle. What is best for them longterm?
Anchor in God’s Word. Let His standards, not your feelings, guide how you set rules and consequences.
Why This Matters Long-Term
If children grow up thinking mom’s word is optional, they’ll often treat God’s Word the same way. But when they see consistent, steady leadership—loving but firm—they learn respect, self-control, and how to eventually govern themselves.
The rule of thumb?
“You are free to disagree with me, but you are not free to disobey me.”
That’s not harsh—it’s loving. It sets your kids on a path toward joy, responsibility, and true freedom as adults.
